Looking Back and Then Forward

     Well phooey to that, is all I can say. I saw the signs (ache in the kidney area), I had a sneaking suspicion it was coming and as the symptoms got more evident (inability to walk very far or to stand upright or still for long without pain) and closer together (this past week I have been having trouble sleeping through the pain) I developed a sinking feeling. I wish I could say I was wrong, but I was right, my back has reverted to quite literally being a pain again. Early readers of The Folly Bird would know that I spent the best part of the first half of 2012 nursing a very poorly back. I was taking the maximum dose of codeine based pain relief daily and would somehow get myself to the doctors weekly for physiotherapy and acupuncture. I couldn't walk very far and spent most of my time sitting in my chair with a small hot water bottle on my back, dosed up on pain relief. Being here saved my sanity. I was able to have the lap top on my lap and had a small window to the world. I was alone but for the bunnies from 8.30am until 6.30pm five days a week so it was a real relief. As fun as the bunnies are, they take a minimum of seventeen naps a day and that's a lot of sleepy rabbit to watch.
     The night before last was horrible, I barely slept at all, the pain was so bad. I was starting off on my back and having to struggle to sit to turn onto one side (I can't just turn while still lying), then back up to lie again on my back, sitting up to turn to the other side and so on, all night. I woke up feeling zombie like and found an old complaint had also resurfaced, my knee was in agony; I have been told by physio's that it's a related nerve thing. Last night was only marginally better.
     I have a doctor appointment on Monday as I really want to nip this in the bud. I may be stranded again in a chair for the most part (I am able to walk about a bit but it takes me a while to straighten myself up, Andy says I look like a clockwork doll when I'm easing myself up), but I cannot let this go any further. But, I do have books and new DVD's and new music too which is all a real sanity saviour.
     So it seems that I start 2013 the way I started 2012. And looking back, what have I learnt from this year? 

1. That I have an unshakable optimistic streak. It may not be a terrible thing really, but it does cause me to slip up from time to time and the more optimistic I am, the further I fall when things go wrong.
2. That I am not in school anymore and I can choose when and how to distance myself from people who act negatively toward me.
3. That I can still, after all these years, be too trusting. There are still wolves in sheep's clothing out there.

For 2013 -

1. I shall try not to have my cup overflowing with heady optimism when someone who knows more than me tells me the chances of something positive happening are slim to none. I shan't cling for dear life to something miraculous emerging from the situation. 
2. I will walk away from the negativity of others, especially those who say, "Oh look, she thinks I'm getting at her" right after a nasty, biting remark.
3. I shall try my utmost to keep my guard up just a little longer, just to make sure.
4. I shall simplify my life. Decluttering, culling clothes and and organising is key.
5. I shall keep my home at least fifteen minutes away from being how I want others to see it .. which may be some feat considering my poor back. Things can go from lovely and tidy to, "How did that happen????" in about one second when faced with a husband and a bunny.
6. I shall cull then expand my wardrobe by sewing. My hare like sewing will be curbed by back pain so I shall have no choice but to sew like a tortoise, see, every cloud does have a silver lining!

     But for now I have to away as the sofa looks as though a laundry monster threw up on it and Bob has been 'reading' a newspaper quite thoroughly, so I have lots of things to do today as our friend is visiting with his kiddies tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to that.